It's been a really long time since I wrote anything. Guess I'll write something up.
Since November some things have changed, while some things stayed the same.
My isolation from social media continues, except now it includes Facebook too. I haven't been on Facebook since the beginning of January. I've been feeling extreme guilt for not keeping in touch with any of my friends, but I feel like something just isn't right. I keep caring about what people think on the internet, and that's bad for my mental health. Politics, animal abuse and neglect, war, religion, LGBT+ rights... I don't want to hear any of it. I get upset by other peoples' opinions and am always tempted to say something back. What good does that do though? Nobody on the internet will be swayed by my response. They'll continue to think what they want to think. I need to stop getting involved, so I just want to block all of it out. I want to stop doomscrolling and getting myself either worked up or depressed about the state of the world right now. The only way I could stop it all was by not using Facebook at all.
My relationship has been going very well. Silly me thought I could never be truly in love again, but here we are. He's someone who always listens to what I have to say, even if it's the intricacies of fish breeding. He took me to my first Reptile Expo, which my last two exes never did. We've been sharing horror movies with each other, because hilariously I haven't seen a big portion of what he's seen, and he hasn't seen a big portion of the ones that I've seen. We also cohabitate perfectly. He's been coming to visit me in CT and I've visited him in PA. No matter who is visiting whom, neither of us are annoyed by each other's living habits. Best part is that we are the exact same type of asexual. Our boundaries are both the same, so our relationship feels effortless. I'm really thankful to have him, he's been encouraging me to follow my dreams, and my self-esteem has improved by a lot.
Which leads to the next talking point... following my dreams. I'm never going to stop making art, that much is clear. When I move I still am going to participate at the Norwalk CC craft fairs, and I am certainly going to visit all the veterans in Joe's class. However, I also know that my art just doesn't sell like other forms. My paintings are rather lousy, my ceramic animals are somewhat rough, all my stuff is cartoony. That's not to say I can't try realism, I just don't find realism to be fun. It's a lot of work. I also have never taken a painting class, so that's a problem. Art is definitely a dream I will continue to pursue.
BUT I need to make money. I won't be getting anything significant from my art. That's where my other dream comes in. I want to be a fish breeder. Last time I bred guppies, I absolutely loved it. It ended up horrifically though for two reasons. 1.) I didn't separate the females and males fast enough. 2) I fouled one tank with a beef heart cube, and my parents fouled my other two tanks through overfeeding. The second reason happened because I was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts, so I tossed a beef heart cube in one of the tanks before I left, not knowing they won't eat it. After I came home I was a wreck and I couldn't mentally handle the filthy tanks. My dad dumped all my tanks outside and we both ended up getting salmonella from them. I've been forbidden to have an aquarium ever since. After I move, however, I can start it again. This time I am fully prepared. I've studied books, care guides, websites, listings, everything I could get my hands on. I know when to separate them by sex. (They become sexually mature about a week earlier than I thought.) I know which parasites and diseases guppies are susceptible to. I know how to quarantine. I know how to properly cycle tanks. Everything I need to know, I now know... except for genetics. I'm going to hire a tutor to teach me that soon though.
My future goals are this:
- Establish "Guppiesville USA" aka a fish room
- Breed guppies to create my own line
- Breed mutt guppies that are affordable
- Import wild Splendens type bettas and make them more available in the USA
- Breed Julii corydoras, Super Red bristlenose plecos, and Blue Carbon shrimp
- Keep doing ceramics
- Switch to white clay
- Sculpt some toys from Sculpey
- Mold the toys
- Make the toys from resin
- Paint my crazy cartoon animals whenever I get the urge again
Crazy dreams that might not happen:
- Breed Zebra Plecos (expensive!)
- Breed betta macrostoma (also expensive!)
- Make my own sofubi toy (very expensive!)
So yeah, that's about all I feel like typing right now. Sorry I'm a bore and didn't shut up about fish. Don't worry, actual fish stuff will be reported on the future Guppiesville USA blog.
